you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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