The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
