Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The air was thick with penises
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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