We named our party play list daddy issues
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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