but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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