My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
