oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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