Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize