alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
