How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So vagazzling was a success
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
