just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
