I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
