at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize