You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
