I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drunk is not a location!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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