She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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