I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
