Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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