Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
