I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
