Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
