Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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