No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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