sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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