Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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