All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
