please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
