I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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