I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
