I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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