One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
