You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
