If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Randomize
