And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
