I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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