hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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