I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
