Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
