Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
