I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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