Don't you send me to vm
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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