she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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