Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
