I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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