You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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