the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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