my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
