do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
