Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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