Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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