So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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