i will never coherently bang her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
