Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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