The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's blow job season.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
