But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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