i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
