It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
