i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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