I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
