Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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