ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize