She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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