I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
