dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
