WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
