It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
