we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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