someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
