I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
