you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
