I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
