good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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