Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
3 2 1 whiskey
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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