ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
