at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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