he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
