Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize