some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
