it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
