whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
