that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
