if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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