Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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