Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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