I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
