some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
