You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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