i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize