I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
