I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Semen is not good for contacts.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
