i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish i was in the wii world.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
