It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Banned from zoo.
Again?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
