Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
