Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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