I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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