I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
